Clients in Crisis: The Danger for Coaches

Medical professionals need to take extra measures to avoid becoming sick from treating ill patients, and so, some argue, do coaches working with clients in financial or emotional distress.

If laughter is contagious–then so is fear. Scientists say humans can literally smell fear on other people, and that alone can quietly trigger an emotional response–even panic–in a person exposed to someone in the throes of fear.

Sally Planalp, author of Communicating Emotion, argues this kind of “emotional contagion” can happen quickly and often without notice, as the coach’s brain and body pick up on emotional cues from a client’s expression and body, silently absorbing some of the client’s distress “as you might catch a cold.”

And a study released in March by researchers at Rice University found it’s not just expressions that makes fear contagious–people who feel threatened (losing a job, losing a home) release chemicals that other people can smell. Those chemicals contain warning signals to other humans, resulting in more fear.

Deborah Brown-Volkman–like many coaches–has been working with some very nervous clients lately. “The anxiety level is so high,” she says, as clients face layoffs, or often, just the fear of losing a job. She’s concerned that coaches who don’t take proper precautions to avoid getting sick could easily catch these emotional “colds.”

“The stakes are higher now,” says Brown-Volkman, who has written six books on coaching clients through career transitions, but has never seen the stress level as high as it is now. “Before, people had hope. Now, there are fewer jobs and less opportunity and that’s why the fear is at a higher high. Our clients’ anxiety level is so high right now, we have to be careful it doesn’t rub off on us.”

“If we’re overwhelmed as coaches, we won’t be helpful to our clients,” said Brown-Volkman.

Hopelessness and depression–and their ability to spread throughout entire families have been subject to extensive research. Ellen McGrath wrote about the topic in Psychology Today in 2003: “Families often inherit a negative thinking style that carries the germ of depression. Typically it is a legacy passed from one generation to the next, a pattern of pessimism invoked to protect loved ones from disappointment or stress. But in fact, negative thinking patterns do just the opposite, eroding the mental health of all exposed.”

Rebecca Zucker is a partner and executive coach at Next Step Partners in San Francisco, a firm that coaches executives at the highest levels–some of whom have never before faced the reality of being laid off.

Many, she told The Coaching Commons, haven’t had to look for work since their days as an undergrad or grad student, and now exhibit the same negative thinking style that can spread through families–and, some coaches believe–can infect the relationship between coach and client.

“A good coach will not let themselves get sucked in. Part of a coach’s job is to observe what’s going on and mirror back to the client in a non-judgmental way. You seem very panicked right now, what’s going on? Probe into that,” Zucker says. “Part of coach’s job is to help the individual self manage. To manage that fear and anxiety when the coach is not around.”

Zucker says negative thinking patterns and anger can kill an out-of-work client’s ability to find a new job. “Recruiters can see it a mile away. And they don’t want to deal with that.”

She has referred clients to therapists, and asks clients facing severe stress if they are taking care of themselves. “I’ve had people out of work–sole bread winners of their family–and there are real stresses that come along with that. And we’ve talked about what steps they can take to reduce their stresses.”

Zucker advises clients to take time out from full-time job hunting to work out, see a movie, or meet a friend. “People in this environment operate from a place of deprivation, and they don’t let themselves do the things that would make them feel better,” said Zucker.

If a client can’t–or won’t–work through the negativity and make progress in the coaching relationship, Zucker believes it may be best for both client and coach to end a working relationship, or simply not to start one.

“If somebody is really angry, I may not agree to work with them because I feel like they’re not ready to be helped. And I’ll tell them why I won’t work them,” said Zucker.

In one case, Zucker made the difficult decision to stop coaching a client who’d been out of work for a year–and yet was deeply invested in a victim mentality.

“We spoke weekly by phone and I said, listen, I’m not sure I’m helping you. I’m not sure what you’re getting out of working with me. And I think that was a hard thing for him to hear. But I wanted to help him move forward professionally, and he was getting in his way.”

That client was hardly the exception.

Robert Gramillano, a career coach in Chicago says clients in crisis can spin in a storm of dangerous emotions. “Fear is rampant,” he says. “Catastrophic thinking and an attitude of scarcity tend to prevail. Anger and resentment are also part of the process and need to be addressed. Hopelessness and despair are also common and manifest in anguish and depression.”

Brown-Volkman urges coaches working with high-stress clients to make sure to have some pressure relief: “I work out and read motivational stuff. I have to.” A book or a long run, she says, can give a coach the right mindset to do the work clients in career crisis need most. “They need hope, and a belief that everything is going to be okay.”