Coaching Abrasive Executives: Myths, Neuroscience & Hope

Consider these two commonly-held beliefs about abrasive executives – executives who rub their coworkers the wrong way with their aggressive management styles:

1. They resort to aggression because they’re sadists or otherwise personality disordered.
2. They cannot change – they are hopeless and we (coworkers, employers, and coaches) are helpless.

Are these beliefs founded in reality?

In over fifteen years of coaching and researching abrasive executives, I’ve come to radically different conclusions. I’ve found that leaders who resort to aggression do so because they feel threatened – they unconsciously lack confidence in their own abilities, and when they perceive a threat to their competence (usually in the form of an employee who isn’t meeting their expectations), they defend against this threat with aggression – they attack.

Here are some telling comments from past clients:
 
“I have trouble when people put blocks in front of me…I am ruthless: I hang them out to dry.”

“I have done a good job. If I feel threatened, in any way, shape or form, I will come out swinging.”

Emerging research supports my finding that relatively normal individuals can become aggressive when threatened by the fear of incompetence. In their article When the Boss Feels Inadequate: Power, Incompetence, and Aggression, USC researchers Fast and Chen (2009) describe four studies they conducted demonstrating that individuals with power become aggressive when they feel incompetent in the domain of power: “Taken together, these findings suggest that (a) power paired with self-perceived incompetence leads to aggression, and (b) this aggressive response is driven by feelings of ego defensiveness.” (p.1)

Boss Whispering® is founded upon the premise that when an organism (whether amoeba or executive) perceives a threat, fear (anxiety) is evoked, which then generates a defensive response. I refer to this phenomenon as the Survival Dynamic, portrayed below:
  
THREAT   →   ANXIETY   →   DEFENSE (fight or flight)
 
Self-assured leaders do not perceive the actions of employees as a threat to their own competence and thus do not become defensive, instead addressing problems in a civil manner.

Threatened bosses deploy the “fight” defense against their fear of being perceived to be incompetent, and need help to change – which brings me to my next finding: the vast majority of abrasive executives can change.

Once made aware of their destructive impact on others and given an opportunity to gain insight into their response to threat, these individuals can develop interpersonally-competent management styles very rapidly – usually within 8 sessions. However, this process requires what neuroleadership expert David Rock refers to as “mindful attention” – a critical element of coaching.

Rock writes: “Yet neuroscience has also discovered that the human brain is highly plastic. Neural connections can be reformed, new behaviors can be learned, and even the most entrenched behavior can be modified at any age. The brain will make these shifts only when it is engaged in mindful attention….This is the state of thought associated with observing one’s own mental processes….Mindfulness requires both serenity and concentration; in a threatened state, people are much more likely to be “mindless”. Their attention is diverted by the threat, and they cannot easily move to self-discovery.” (p.61)

Coaching abrasive executives is an evolving specialty niche that offers both executive and conflict coaches an opportunity to reduce suffering experienced by coworkers (the working wounded) and by employers, who often feel hopeless and helpless to intervene.

What better way to spend one’s day?

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Fast, N., & Chen, S.(2009). When the Boss Feels Inadequate. Psychological Science, published online 10/8/09, 1-8
Rock, D.(2009). Managing with the Brain in Mind. strategy + business Magazine, 56, Autumn 2009, 58-69