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Transitions come quickly for some and slowly for others. Change is chosen by some, forced on others. The following is a real discussion between two celebrated professionals, Ruth Ann, the once upon-a-time broadcast journalist, and Jerry, the ex-NFL football star. They speak openly about their transition phase in life. Go ahead and eavesdrop, and then share your own experience, thoughts and comments.
Ruth Ann begins: ‚Äö√Ñ√∫I’m a big fan of Peer Resources. This edition of the newsletter contained an article that really hit close to home for me. Jerry Sherk, a former star in the National Football League, writes about the challenges of reinventing himself after he was no longer being cheered by tens of thousands of screaming people just for showing up and doing his job. How does someone who loved the cheers adjust when it’s clear those cheers will never be a regular part of life again?‚Äö√Ñ√π
(Read his post: http://mentorms.blogspot.com)
‚Äö√Ñ√∫For me, the adjustment was something I always knew I was going to have to make. My first job in broadcasting was at WYSL-FM in Buffalo, New York. I was a Teen DJ named Karin Kelly. (If anyone has photographic evidence, such as when I rode in a convertible in the ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Krakatoa East of Java‚Äö√Ñ√π premiere parade, there’s a reward in it for you.) The first year I was at the radio station, 53 people went through the figurative revolving door. And it was a small station! I never faced any of those methods of termination: it was an Act of God. Lightning knocked out our transmitter for months and I was in college by the time the station was back on the air.
By then I knew: work in broadcasting, you’re liable to lose your job, and sometimes not in a very dignified way.‚Äö√Ñ√π
‚Äö√Ñ√∫That fact smacked me in the face at a television station where I worked in the late 1960s. They had one of those local morning shows that were so popular back in the fifties and sixties, with the cooking and fashion segments, and the host was usually a local female broadcaster, and she was likely to be the only woman on the air at her station. There was such a woman hosting this station’s morning show, a fixture in the market. She was a local legend. People grew up watching her. She had her own dressing room ‚Äö√Ñ√¨ an almost unheard-of luxury at a local station. Every week, five new outfits with accessories showed up in the closet in her dressing room, on loan from the local department store, all in her size, to be worn on the show that week. Hairdressing was done by a top stylist. People treated her like a queen. (OK, I was just a kid, but it seemed to me that she took a nip or two.)‚Äö√Ñ√π
‚Äö√Ñ√∫One morning, I showed up for work as usual and entered the ‚Äö√Ñ√∫North Lobby‚Äö√Ñ√π (aka back door) of the station. There, in the gracious reception area behind the fancy desk, sat the woman who had been the female face of that station for a quarter of a century. She looked stunned. ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Why, ____, what are you doing here? Where’s Frances?‚Äö√Ñ√π I asked, wondering why the star was warming the receptionist’s chair. ‚Äö√Ñ√∫This is my new job,‚Äö√Ñ√π she replied, sounding as if she were in a dream state. ‚Äö√Ñ√∫What?‚Äö√Ñ√π I laughed? ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Is this some kind of joke?‚Äö√Ñ√π She said, ‚Äö√Ñ√∫I wish it was. It feels like it is.‚Äö√Ñ√π
“Management had decided to remove her from her on-air duties and gave her the option to stay long enough to collect her pension, but the job would be “North Lobby Receptionist.” One day television royalty, the next day greeting people who came in the back door!”
‚Äö√Ñ√∫When I got my first on-air television job a few years after witnessing that undignified transition, my career ambition was to retire by choice and with dignity when it was ‚Äö√Ñ√∫my time,‚Äö√Ñ√π and I feel I achieved my goal in full on February 5, 1988. As you can see, it’s an important date I remember well! I wrote to Jerry and told him how much I related to what he wrote.‚Äö√Ñ√π
Jerry responds: ‚Äö√Ñ√∫Thanks for the very interesting story about the broadcaster at the television station. Seems like she provided both a warning and a great lesson for you. Back to the subject of the transition being for “everyman and everywoman,” as I was coming out of the NFL at 33 years old and feeling lost, my father was also experiencing stress with his transition.
He had been a hard working plastering contractor all his life, and he loved his job. But, at about 67 years old, macular degeneration struck, taking his eyesight, and he couldn’t work any longer. A proud man, he quickly became legally blind and within months of his vision beginning to leave him, he had to submit to be shuttled around town by his wife.
Dad and I often talked about the loss of our passions, mine the NFL, his, the construction business. It even hit us in our sleeping states. I would sometimes dream that I would show up in the Cleveland Browns’ locker room ready to play a game, but I was in a frantic state as I knew my knee (which had truly suffered a terrible injury to end my career) wouldn’t be able to take it, even for one game. (Once, I dreamed that the team doctor was pushing and pulling on my knee joint to check for stability, then in an instant he turned into our team dentist. Yikes!)
My father would tell me his work-related dreams, such as, “I showed up on the job and all my plaster tools were on fire.” These talks helped me to understand that Dad and I were going through the same transition–me in my 30′s and Dad in his 60′s–and that this is something that everyone goes through.
It also became clear to me that what leads the “having to leave behind what you love” is a “disintegration.” For me, it was the rapid disintegration of my knees and neck and lower back, for Dad it was his eyesight, and for the nameless female broadcaster you wrote about, it was likely her looks.
My blog talks about the process I experienced coming out of the game and trying to reinvent myself: http://mentorms.blogspot.com. As I said earlier, I haven’t had a chance to focus on the subject for quite a few years, but I am still intrigued by the richness and the depth of stories when people talk about their big changes in life, especially having to move on from something they love.
I am of the notion that the transition of NFL athletes mirrors those of many others. Athletes, reporters, dancers, etc. hit the wall early in life, and these stories, though extreme, can inform those who are going through even slower traditional transitions.
When I was studying this topic in school years ago, it hit me that I was not experiencing a Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but something more like a Post-Passionate Stress Disorder. I would really like to read about the stories of coaches, how they handled their transitions, and why they got into coaching.”
Ruth Ann: ‚Äö√Ñ√∫My husband always marvels that I was able to walk away from my television career without a backward glance, but I had been preparing for ‚Äö√Ñ√∫star transition‚Äö√Ñ√π long before I ever got my first on-air gig. I had seen how the business treated those who were no longer anchors, or hosts, or ‚Äö√Ñ√∫personalities.‚Äö√Ñ√π Yesterday’s news people were! Literally!‚Äö√Ñ√π
“So I knew that Day One on the job was one day closer to that humiliating (usually public) end of career. My entire on-air career goal was to retire with mental health and dignity, which I did at age 38. Your piece could be adapted for every hotshot reporter, every performer, every standout, every prom queen.”
‚Äö√Ñ√∫I am guessing that many coaches deal with this in their practice! In fact, I’m guessing that many coaches dealt with it, as I did, in their own lives before becoming professional coaches. So let’s ask others what they think.‚Äö√Ñ√π
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