I run. I run a lot.

At the moment, I’m in training for a half-marathon in a few weeks, and a full marathon in the fall, which is pretty much the way I motivate myself to lace up the running shoes and get out the door when I’d rather stay inside and read a book.

As a part of my training, I create elaborate schedules and plans, breaking down the miles that must be run every day between today (2 Miles at Half-Marathon Pace, 2×1 Mile at 10K pace, 2×800 meters at 5K pace, with three minutes recovery after the 2 Mile and 2 minutes recovery after the miles and 800) and race day. The training plans are detailed and demanding and designed to push me into action, because if I don’t follow through, the weight of the training plan will hang over me, screaming–YOU ARE OFF YOUR SCHEDULE.

Coach Kalpna Patel says I’ve got it all wrong.

Patel’s not a running coach, but a business coach, based in London (which means she says nifty words like “whilst”). Like many coaches, her approach to helping clients achieve goals is simple: Define the goal, then work to break the goal down into manageable chunks, taken one at a time.

In many ways, that’s very similar to my approach to running marathons. I break the goal down into a multi-month schedule of smaller training runs, and take them one at a time, slowly building up my endurance and my speed, and preparing me to cover the full 26.2 miles on race day.

Where Coach Kalpna would suggest I’ve got it wrong is in my motivation. It’s entirely negative. I flog myself with my manageable chunks, and use the training schedule to beat myself up. If I miss a day, I’m a failure. When I’m running, often I’m telling myself how much work has to be done if I’m ever going to be ready for the marathon. I spend very little time on the road thinking of the unique feeling of crossing a marathon finish line, which I’ve had the pleasure of doing in some of the world’s most brilliant locations: the New York Marathon’s Central Park finish line, the Marine Corps Marathon’s inspiring finish at the Iwo Jima Memorial, and last year, running through the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin.

So why do I spend so much time thinking of the goal, but as a negative? I think constantly, “if you don’t do the run today, you’ll FAIL on race day.” The goal, by my negative motivational thinking, will become a symbol of my failure.

So Coach Kalpna’s suggested a new running partner for me during my training: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “If you want to move people, it has to be towards a vision which is positive for them,” he said.

For goals that sometimes feel like chores (getting healthy or giving up a bad habit), Patel says the key is “remembering to take the time to build a solid and positive vision around those goals. For instance, if you want to give something up remember to address why it’s important for you to do that. What benefits will you get? What benefits will others get? How will you feel? How will you reward yourself? Build up your vision to be as compelling as possible. Make your vision as positive as possible. Make it inspire you and motivate you.”

Thinking back to that finish in DC, I hadn’t had the best race. I ran the first half too fast, then hit a wall. I was forced to walk a few miles, feeling lousy and beating myself up mercilessly. But getting near the finish, I thought of the Marines who’d dug deep–and given their lives–so that flag could be planted at Iwo Jima. There was no way I was walking up that hill to the finish line. I ran. It was extremely emotional.

I’d say more, but I think I’m going to head out for a run.