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Fifteen seconds of direct personal acknowledgment are magic.
When was the last time someone paused, looked you in the eye and said something to you about your grace or courage in communication, or your heart and attention to detail? That is – the character stuff that anchors your life and work. It’s usually a moment you savor and remember.
Over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that most of us can go days, weeks! without getting a that kind of acknowledgment. It’s a big enough deal that in my coach training, I’ve made it one of “Six Essentials” that I like to see happen in every solid coaching conversation.
This is a great time of year to take a couple of extra beats with people we see all the time.
Try this:
1. Slow down the pace. Say the person’s name, catch their eye, create a moment of attention and focus.
2. Be specific. (People always know if you’re flattering, exaggerating or being grandiose.) Talk about what you’ve seen in their character that you respect and are grateful for–maybe how the person influences your own life.
3. Then take a breath to keep yourself from rushing on. Leave enough space for the other person to look back at you and take in your words.
As the December days speed on, see if you can notice the opportunities when they appear. They will, I promise. And acting on them will make for some great gifts that your colleagues, friends and family probably don’t get very often.
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There are 3 Responses so far...
This is exactly what Christmas must come back to: a reminder of what matters every day of the year. How often do we really acknowledge one another anymore? And not just our colleagues, friends and loved ones but another human being in our presence? On the street? In an elevator? Passing through a doorway?
I’m always saddened by how distant from one another we’ve become despite a shrinking world.
What a simple yet poignant reminder of our humanity your post is.
Merry Christmas,
Karri
Thank you so much for the gift of your words. It’s New Year’s Eve, and my husband and I are going to a big party later this evening.
Almost three years ago, I stopped drinking alcohol. My life has really changed from making that choice. And, I am very grateful for it.
One of the things I find a bit harder to do now is to go to parties where everyone is drinking a lot. It’s more difficult for me to relate to people when I am not drinking. And, since I am such an extrovert, I always want to go.
This year, I am going to go to the party with the goal of acknowledging people. I love the idea. It gives me an opportunity to connect with people, and what better way than letting them know they are great!
Happy New Year.
Doreen
I think this is so important, especially for anyone that’s a parent. The greatest gift we can give to our children is to take the time to get to know them as real people, not just as adjuncts to ourselves. It’s too easy to assume that we know our own children simply because we gave them life – too many people make the mistake of assuming that their children are just smaller versions of themselves with the same needs, wants, desires and interests and so they don’t pay them the attention they need.
If we treated our children as if they were our coaching clients, what might we learn from and about them? And if we followed Patty’s advice and took the time to acknowledge the things that make our children the unique individuals they are, how might that benefit both them and us?