Irish Times: Learning To Trust Your Instincts

January 26, 2010 – Irish Times – Ireland

Parenting seems to be as open to fads as the diet industry, so how can you tell which approach is going to work for you?

It is often said that a baby is the only new product that arrives into a house without any instructions. However, there is no shortage of “experts” to tell parents what they should be doing.

From well-meaning family and friends to opinionated parenting “gurus”, there is an abundance of advice. The trouble is as soon as you read one thing in one book, the chances are you will find somebody else saying the polar opposite.

Parenting seems to be as open to fads and fashions as the diet industry. How can you tell which approach is going to work for you? Do you feed a baby on demand or impose a routine? Is it better to let him cry in the cot or cuddle him in your bed? Do you walk away from a toddler in a tantrum or envelop the ball of rage in your arms?

Gina Ford’s path to a “contented baby” is one of the more controversial options currently out there. While many scoff, others swear by her rigid timetables to help baby fit into mum and dad’s life.

Yet the leader of the Liberal Democrats in Britain, Nick Clegg, has rarely attracted more positive comments than when he recently denounced her advice as “absolute nonsense” – thereby insulting the parenting choice of two million voters, according to Ford’s quick riposte.

A father of three young children, Clegg explained how he and his wife struggled to do what Ford preaches with their first son, until one night he recalled saying: “Okay, we have got to stop this. I have subcontracted my parental instincts to this book.”

In that last sentence, he nailed the problem. Subcontracting your parental instincts to anybody else is a mistake. Nobody knows you and your child the way you do – but that is not to deny the benefit of finding out what has worked for other people and seeking support.

This is where the increasing popularity of one-to-one parenting coaches comes in. Coaches won’t prescribe a course of action but will help you work out the best approach for you and your children. Read More.