From The News-Tribune – Tacoma, Washington, USA
By Liz Reyer
June 2, 2009
Time for another readers’ response column, but with a twist. Let me summarize recent feedback in a question.
Dear Liz: It seems as if you’re not living in the real world. The world is full of discrimination, bad bosses and unhappy workplaces. It’s a jungle out there. You make it sound as if you can just follow a few easy steps and all will be well. Get real!
Liz replies: Thanks for challenging me on this; it’s valuable to examine my own assumptions. Your perspective seems to be widespread and supported by many bad experiences. I’ve had some myself. Yet, it’s not the only way to look at the world.
When you think about the workplace – or life, for that matter – what do you control? Not what your boss or your spouse does. Not what politicians do. Certainly not the effects of the global economy. There’s only one thing that you can control: your reaction to the people and events in your life.
“Pay attention to your responses and choose responses that serve you.” It sounds simple enough. But while it can be difficult to accomplish, it’s well worth the effort. Ever been caught in traffic? For many, it’s a recipe for frustration that can lead to anger, even violence. And what do these reactions accomplish? Alternatively, one can look inward, acknowledge any underlying anger, then relax a bit. Which reaction do you choose?
This plays out in other settings, whether you’re an older worker searching for a job or are working for a difficult boss. Of course, discrimination and bullying are deplorable, and as a society we should be committed to eradicating these problems. The question remains, what do you personally control; what actions will you choose?
It comes down to taking responsibility. Situations aren’t black and white, and each of us influences the events in our lives. It can be comforting to cast yourself as a victim in a dysfunctional environment, but it won’t help you move forward. It’s much more productive to take ownership of your role in a problem and put your energy into creating solutions.
What about how we treat others? Good things happen when we interact with kindness and respect. Perhaps you’ve been surprised when someone has been receptive when you’ve expected hostility. When your point of view has been heard. When someone has spontaneously helped you. If you look for opportunities like these, you’ll defuse tense situations and create a positive environment.
I’ve seen great results when people expect the best. When you opt for a positive frame of reference, you’re better able to manage challenges. This isn’t to say that you won’t have to deal with conflict, resource issues or office politics. You may need to change jobs. That’s part of life. However, when your actions reflect a positive stance, others will be more apt to respond in kind. You’ll free up a lot of energy.
The bottom line: My experience – and that of my clients – shows me that focusing on your inner resources and cultivating a positive perspective results in improved outcomes, both for business and personally.
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Agree wholeheartedly, and only wish to add that coaching is most beneficial for those living in the aforementioned “real world” (tangent: what’s real, anyway? It’s all perception!) with bad bosses etc who WANT TO CHANGE things. If you’re happy and content with the jungle, by all means, take no action whatsoever! (and I’m not even being sarcastic, because happiness is also different for everybody!)
One of my first questions after figuring out which goal(s) my clients want to achieve is, “what have you tried so far, which strategies have brought you closer to your goal or added to your life in other significant ways, and which haven’t?” This helps us figure out what’s directly contributing to the bottom-line, what’s kinda tangent-y but still helpful in different areas, and above all where not waste time on stuff that’s already been tried to little avail.
Oh, and just as a PS – I don’t think anyone ever said taking steps towards a more fulfilling life, inner peace, happiness etc are “easy.” Your steps are what they are (my steps are totally all over the place sometimes, but I digress), and I’d invite everyone to look at their steps thinking “ugh” and see how that feels, then take a breath, shake it off, and look at them again thinking “I choose to do this,” and see how that feels.
Great post, thanks for sharing, looking forward to more comments!
xx